Mother's Day Tale...

It is about time that I get off my butt and contribute to this Rorke & Tracy blog! I felt it both timely and appropriate to do so on the eave of my incredible wife's first Mothers Day. I am compelled to wish her a most impressively deserved Mothers Day by reflecting on what has been without question the most instantly life altering event....the birth of little Reeve. Two weeks have passed since her spectacular arrival, but it actually feels like we have known her all our lives. She is so much more than we could have ever dreamed her to be, and I can spend hours on end just staring at her without a second of wasted time! I will have years to report on Reeve's growth, changes and adventures, but tonight I wish to write about her Mom.

11 days past Reeve's "official" due date, Tracy and I wondered if she would ever arrive. We knew we were closer than we had ever been, but little did I know the events that would unfold to bring her into the world. Tracy was so set on delivering Reeve naturally and without medication, that she took the advice of our amazing Midwife Jude, and subjected herself to not one, but two rounds of Castor Oil mixed deliciously with Coke and Vanilla Ice cream. Castor oil works as a natural laxative and promotes intestinal cramping which in turn can instigate contractions. Clearly unpleasant for Tracy, we anxiously awaited any sign of labor. Several hours after the Castor oil worked through her system, Tracy informed me that she did feel some tightness inside and was curious if this might be early labor. By 9:00 PM she was most certainly experiencing contractions, but we were confused by the duration and frequency. The contractions were lasting anywhere from a minute to 1 and 1/2 minutes long, but coming in waves of 3 to 4 minute breaks. This seemed far too close together this early in the game and we consulted our Midwife just to check in. The Midwife brought Tracy in for a check and confirmed that this was in fact labor, but that Tracy had not dilated at all yet and that we would need to labor at home until she progressed. The next six hours are some of the most special and intimate of my life. To hold on to your sweetheart and feel her crippled by pain is a unique and powerful journey. As I knew only she could, never a word in complaint was uttered, only the simple and required descriptions of what she was feeling so we could both collaborate on what to do next! Around 5:45 in the morning the contractions had grown so intense, I could hardly stand it, and it was clearly time to head in to the birth center. Upon arrival I was very excited to hear what Tracy's progress had been from our Midwife Jude and get a read as to how much more my wife would have to endure. What Jude reported next is without question one of the most disappointing evaluations I and I know Tracy had ever heard....not even a full centimeter more than six hours prior. In her gentle and caring way, Jude informed us that while she could feel how deeply Tracy wished to deliver at the Birth Center, that if she did not make significant progress in the next three hours, that we would have to transition to our back up Hospital. In this single report, both of us believed that most likely we would be headed to the Hospital and that with Reeve's size and Tracy's lack of progress we would be quickly prepped for a C-Section. The months of positive preparation and loving focus Tracy had charged into her pregnancy seemed to be in jeopardy. I think we both still knew that no matter what happened, we would soon meet our child, but it was hard to combat the deep disappointment that we were so close to our goal. What happened next is the stuff of legend....

Jude decided to admit Tracy to the Birth Center officially and give her the full three hours to progress. She lead us to the room we wished to deliver in, and simply asked Tracy what was the most uncomfortable position for her contractions? Tracy reported it was when she was on her side. Jude smiled gently and said "well then, let's get to it". Tracy assumed the position and even let Jude lift her leg up on the bed to increase the pressure on the baby to move. The increase in pain I could see Tracy endure in that position brings a tear to my eye even as I write this, but I knew the time for tears was still a way off and that my wife only needed strength around her. It is a funny word to me now, strength? I thought I had a deep understanding of what that meant. Most men do. We lift things, throw things, fight, compete, argue and a few of us stride off to war thinking we are strong. What I saw in the next two hours is what strength is all about. I have always been an athlete and have witnessed both first hand and in combat when, occasionally, humans transcend the "normal or classic" bounds of our relatively fragile bodies and begin to function at a higher level. I saw, quite explicitly and will never forget, the moment when a profound paradigm shift took place in Tracy's demeanor and body language. She started to "lean" into the pain and in fact increase it's intensity. Not four contractions later, her water broke! I am certain that Tracy made this happen by the force of her own will and it was, up to this point, as impressive an act as I have ever witnessed. Jude could not believe it and told Tracy it might be time to get into the large tub in the bathroom. Jude filled it with hot water and Tracy quite literally hopped in! I could tell it was comforting, but we were at yet another more intense level of the game and I could tell and hear that the contractions were intensifying. I had planned on getting into the tub with Tracy during our birth planning sessions, but as we say in combat, "no plan survives first contact with the enemy" and this was just that sort of fight! I held Tracy's hand, rotated freezing washcloths onto her back and forehead with the assistance of our Doula (traditional birth assistant) and did all we could to assist Tracy in her struggle. Jude had been periodically checking in on Tracy but was more often than not trying to organize the overall effort as she was the only Midwife on duty and needed some assistance with odds and ends. Jude entered the bathroom about 45 minutes after Tracy had entered the water and gave her a check up. The quote she uttered next will echo in my mind for eternity....."Tracy, you are 7 centimeters dilated, you are going to deliver this Baby here, and soon"!!! This quote, I could tell, served as a source of much needed fuel for Tracy and she began to yet again dig into the contractions to get herself to the finish line.

I will of course never know what the indicator is that alerts a woman that it is time to push, but I can say with absolute certainty, that when that moment arrives, it is non-negotiable! I could not believe my ears when I heard her say "I have to push". Jude was nowhere to be found and our Doula and I were mildly concerned that we might be left along to deliver this baby on our own. Jude returned in time to guide Tracy through the last hundred yards! I will not do justice to the final moments of this event, but I can say that before I knew it I saw Jude raise from the water and place on Tracy's back the most perfect little form I have ever seen. Tracy looked at me and asked "what is that" and I said "that my love, is our child". Tracy had been on her knees and holding onto the side of the tub, so she had to slowly roll over to a seated position, and before she could get her bearings, Jude placed Reeve in her arms. I think we may have a picture of that moment that might be a little too intense to share, but I will never need to reference it....I will never forget the look on Tracy's face. She looked at Reeve, looked at me and all at once.....we were a family.

There are far too many talented and masterful writers on subjects such as this for me to top them in prose. I can however say, that I will, as I did that day, forever stand in awe of my wife. In awe of her strength and the strength that I know only women possess. How much it meant to Tracy to experience birth the way women have for centuries. I can't wait to explain to our daughter the love that went into her birth and what her Mom endured to bring her into this world. Amazement at how instantly the pain vanished when she held Reeve in her arms. And finally the joy I feel every time I think, gaze upon, or hold my two girls!

Lastly, I have to thank you Tracy for including me in this process. I think most men are side-liners in this adventure and you allowed me to be in the trenches with you and I am forever grateful. You were made to be a Mom, and you proved it on April 24th. Happy Mother's Day Tracy.

Always yours,

Papa